Athlete

“A person trained or gifted in exercises or contests involving physical agility, stamina, or strength; a participant in a sport, exercise, or game requiring physical skill,” I read out loud to myself, remembering how earlier today, Eric, one of our football players, had done everything he could think of to try and prove to me cheerleading was not a sport. If a cheerleader isn’t an athlete I don’t know who is.

Basketball

          First basketball game of the year, and we’re off to a great start. When the boys play as well as they did tonight, it’s not hard to keep up the positive attitude, and keep the smiles coming. By the time it was halftime, the whole court was so loud, and encouraging, and we were all so full of positive energy that our performance was probably the best we’ve ever done. The feeling of performing for an excited crowd is indescribable. This season is going to be a good one, I can already tell.

Body

          I walk up the stairs, and on my way to the locker room, I see a freshman boy who just made the team, and he is carrying his basketball. Holding it as if someone wanted to steal it right from his hands. A basketball player’s prized possession is his basketball. A football player’s prized possession is his football. Without the ball, there is no sport. I walk past the mirror in the locker room, and look. I see a tired, hot red face, exhausted from hours of hard work and running routines. Messy hair, workout clothes, cheer shoes, and empty hands. My body is my prized possession. My body is my everything.

Boyfriend

          I walk out of practice, and run to meet my boyfriend who is waiting at my locker. I give him a huge hug, and he tells me we need to talk. Uh oh.. I bite my lip and prepare myself for what’s coming next. “You have no time for me. I like you a lot but I want to be able to spend time with you and get to know you better. I can’t do that when you’re always busy. I’m sorry but it’s better if we’re just friends,” I knew it. This isn’t the first time that’s happened. I’m too busy to even have time for myself, how am I supposed to have time to spend with anyone else? I guess he’s right. It’s better this way.

 

 

Boys

          A lot of people look down on guy cheerleaders, but I think they are the best. The cheer boys are my brothers. And my best friends. They always have my back and I am so happy to have them. Any guy who makes fun of guy cheerleaders just isn’t man enough to be one.

Camp

          Cheer camp. I wake up to the same song that has played every morning this whole week at 5:00 to wake us. I brush my teeth, grab my bag, and head out the door, already wearing my cheer clothes, which I slept in so I could save time and sleep for a little bit longer in the morning. The three other girls I shared my room with get ready too, and we are out the door to meet the others for breakfast in less than 10 minutes. By 6:00 the entire conference room (which has been cleared of tables and replaced with blue mats for us) is filled with cheerleaders from all over the entire state, and we are stretching and warming up. We review the 4 dances, and 10 cheers that we had to memorize in about 5 hours the first day. We go over them again and again and again until lunchtime, which is only about a half hour break. After lunch we go back and stunt and tumble until dinner which is at about 7 every night. Between every pass, I glance at the clock and pray that it’s almost time to be done. Then I wipe my sweat, and go for another pass. By the end of the day I am so exhausted I can hardly stand. I go up to my room and by the time we all get to sleep it is about midnight. And we start all over again. Camp is hard. But it is also what brings a squad together. After camp, we are no longer a squad, but we are sisters. We are a family.

Catch

          In any other sport, if you miss the catch, all you miss is the ball.

Chance

We only get one chance. After weeks of running and perfecting a routine, we stand with our fists at our sides, and heads down. My heart is pounding as the music begins and we all come to life. Front and center, it is important that I don’t mess up once. I only get one chance to show everyone what I can do.

Chiropractor

          He sure has his work cut out for him. I lay on the table and listen to the list of problems to my mom “..crooked because she walks the way she had to when she was a gymnast, this leg is longer than the other and you can see if you stand here, her neck is out of alignment,..” I sigh and prepare myself for the many appointments I will have to fit into my busy schedule.

Closet

          Blue. My school colors are all I see when I open my closet, or look in any drawer. Cheer shorts. Spankies. Sports bras. Tank tops. Cheer. Cheer. Cheer. Cheer. Blue.

Coach

          I might as well call her mom.

Competition

          A side of my squad that no one has ever seen. You’re used to seeing the bows, the uniforms, the smiling and waving, and the piece of cake routines we perform at halftime. I just wish you could see the sweat, the pain, the tumbling, the stunting, the never stopping, the intense, extremely competitive side.

Conditioning

          Yes, we condition just like any other sport. Only instead of lifting weights, we lift people. Instead of jumping jacks, we do jumps and kicks until our legs are so weak we want to cry. I am just as strong as any other athlete.

Counting

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 1, 2, ………I swear I can count to ten! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 1, ….ahhhhhhh! Let me try again..

Dance

          “Hit one!” our coach yells, and we all immediately, like soldiers, jump and land with our feet just farther than the width of our hips, and every set of arms makes a V. Every muscle in every body is clenched tight. We hold this motion until everyone gets it right and usually it takes about five minutes. Finally we can move on to two. We hold every last motion until our technique is perfect, and then start over and do it again. Maybe by tomorrow we will be able to add the music.

Danger

          Cheerleading is considered the most dangerous sport. More injuries occur per year in cheer than in any other sport, including gymnastics which is a close second.

 

Example

          There is always a little girl in every crowd who wants to be just like you. Don’t disappoint her. I read it over and over again every morning before I leave. My favorite quote, written on my mirror in pink marker, it reminds me that I am constantly setting an example for someone, somewhere. That little girl is watching me. Always looking up to me, and she will copy every little thing I do. I want to be that girl that people are glad their daughters look up to.

Experience

          If you don’t know what you’re doing, someone else will get hurt.

Facials

          If you feel like a complete idiot, you’re doing it right.

Family

          We win together, we lose together, we practice together, we perform together, we hurt together, we always pick each other up, and we never let each other fall. A squad is a family.

Free time

          ..What free time?

Fun

          The day before nationals, and we all have the same thing on our minds. We go to the beach and spend the whole day in the water, and on the sand, and we are all so full of energy and anxious for tomorrow that nothing could bring us down.

Girls

          Chisters. That’s what we call eachother. We are cheer sisters, and we are always there for eachother.

Injuries

          The doctor’s office has become a familiar place. I sit in the waiting room again, but in my opinion it is pointless because no matter what they say I’m not going to take a break. I can’t afford to stop practicing right before competition season, and there is no way anyone can make me.

Leader

          To be a cheerleader, not only do I have to be a leader of cheers, but also in life. Being a cheerleader on and off the mat means being the best you can be, and being an example for others, in your actions, and in your words.

Lunch

I wonder what it is today.. I hope it’s something at least semi-edible because I am starving. A lot of people think I’m anorexic just because I cheer, and I’m skinny, but in all honesty I eat more than a pregnant cow..

 

Motions

          After the bell rings for lunch there is always a different song that plays while I walk to class. Today, it’s Clumsy by Fergie. By the time the chorus comes, I’m already walking with my hands in a clean. 1, arms hit just outside my shoulders, marking a High-V. 2, hold. 3, arms swing down and barely cross in front of my body. By 4, my arms are back to where they were on one but my wrists are turned down to mark my T. Clean 4 counts. 1, horizontal right punch 2.. I keep going, and walking down the halls I probably look like an idiot to all those around me, but my random arm swings make perfect sense in my head. This is my song and my routine has been nailed into my head so many times I can’t help it.

Music

          Weird. I never noticed how slow this song was. I guess after listening to the cheer remix version for so long I had forgotten what the real song sounded like. Funny how that happens.

Nails

          I get to class and pull out a notebook. I look around for Max, a guy on the squad and pretty much the only person I ever talk to in this class. I see him by the door standing behind two girls I can’t help but notice are staring at me. One girl turns to the other and says in a mocking tone, “I can’t write today, I broke a nail in cheer!” the other pretends to cry, and I just look away. Ha break a nail. We’re not even allowed to have nails.

Nationals

          Five words. Adrenaline, stress, exhausting, pain, LOVE.

 

 

One more time

          In other words.. We’re gonna keep doing this until you get  it right and I don’t care how long it takes.

Pop

          The sound that comes from every single one of our ankles, knees, wrists, and backs whenever we tumble, stunt, run.. Even walk for that matter.

Smile

          Running. To get to my next position so that as soon as I get there I can tumble. Roundoff back handspring back handspring back layout stepout.. As soon as I land I run again to my stunt group, and with our tired arms and legs we throw a cheerleader into the air. At this point, though it doesn’t seem like much, smiling is the hardest thing to do.

Tryouts

          The most stressful, emotional time of the whole year.

Unitiy

Something no squad is even a squad without.

Crerative Nonfiction

Athlete

“A person trained or gifted in exercises or contests involving physical agility, stamina, or strength; a participant in a sport, exercise, or game requiring physical skill,” I read out loud to myself, remembering how earlier today, Eric, one of our football players, had done everything he could think of to try and prove to me cheerleading was not a sport. If a cheerleader isn’t an athlete I don’t know who is.

Basketball

          First basketball game of the year, and we’re off to a great start. When the boys play as well as they did tonight, it’s not hard to keep up the positive attitude, and keep the smiles coming. By the time it was halftime, the whole court was so loud, and encouraging, and we were all so full of positive energy that our performance was probably the best we’ve ever done. The feeling of performing for an excited crowd is indescribable. This season is going to be a good one, I can already tell.

Body

          I walk up the stairs, and on my way to the locker room, I see a freshman boy who just made the team, and he is carrying his basketball. Holding it as if someone wanted to steal it right from his hands. A basketball player’s prized possession is his basketball. A football player’s prized possession is his football. Without the ball, there is no sport. I walk past the mirror in the locker room, and look. I see a tired, hot red face, exhausted from hours of hard work and running routines. Messy hair, workout clothes, cheer shoes, and empty hands. My body is my prized possession. My body is my everything.

Boyfriend

          I walk out of practice, and run to meet my boyfriend who is waiting at my locker. I give him a huge hug, and he tells me we need to talk. Uh oh.. I bite my lip and prepare myself for what’s coming next. “You have no time for me. I like you a lot but I want to be able to spend time with you and get to know you better. I can’t do that when you’re always busy. I’m sorry but it’s better if we’re just friends,” I knew it. This isn’t the first time that’s happened. I’m too busy to even have time for myself, how am I supposed to have time to spend with anyone else? I guess he’s right. It’s better this way.

 

 

Boys

          A lot of people look down on guy cheerleaders, but I think they are the best. The cheer boys are my brothers. And my best friends. They always have my back and I am so happy to have them. Any guy who makes fun of guy cheerleaders just isn’t man enough to be one.

Camp

          Cheer camp. I wake up to the same song that has played every morning this whole week at 5:00 to wake us. I brush my teeth, grab my bag, and head out the door, already wearing my cheer clothes, which I slept in so I could save time and sleep for a little bit longer in the morning. The three other girls I shared my room with get ready too, and we are out the door to meet the others for breakfast in less than 10 minutes. By 6:00 the entire conference room (which has been cleared of tables and replaced with blue mats for us) is filled with cheerleaders from all over the entire state, and we are stretching and warming up. We review the 4 dances, and 10 cheers that we had to memorize in about 5 hours the first day. We go over them again and again and again until lunchtime, which is only about a half hour break. After lunch we go back and stunt and tumble until dinner which is at about 7 every night. Between every pass, I glance at the clock and pray that it’s almost time to be done. Then I wipe my sweat, and go for another pass. By the end of the day I am so exhausted I can hardly stand. I go up to my room and by the time we all get to sleep it is about midnight. And we start all over again. Camp is hard. But it is also what brings a squad together. After camp, we are no longer a squad, but we are sisters. We are a family.

Catch

          In any other sport, if you miss the catch, all you miss is the ball.

Chance

We only get one chance. After weeks of running and perfecting a routine, we stand with our fists at our sides, and heads down. My heart is pounding as the music begins and we all come to life. Front and center, it is important that I don’t mess up once. I only get one chance to show everyone what I can do.

Chiropractor

          He sure has his work cut out for him. I lay on the table and listen to the list of problems to my mom “..crooked because she walks the way she had to when she was a gymnast, this leg is longer than the other and you can see if you stand here, her neck is out of alignment,..” I sigh and prepare myself for the many appointments I will have to fit into my busy schedule.

Closet

          Blue. My school colors are all I see when I open my closet, or look in any drawer. Cheer shorts. Spankies. Sports bras. Tank tops. Cheer. Cheer. Cheer. Cheer. Blue.

Coach

          I might as well call her mom.

Competition

          A side of my squad that no one has ever seen. You’re used to seeing the bows, the uniforms, the smiling and waving, and the piece of cake routines we perform at halftime. I just wish you could see the sweat, the pain, the tumbling, the stunting, the never stopping, the intense, extremely competitive side.

Conditioning

          Yes, we condition just like any other sport. Only instead of lifting weights, we lift people. Instead of jumping jacks, we do jumps and kicks until our legs are so weak we want to cry. I am just as strong as any other athlete.

Counting

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 1, 2, ………I swear I can count to ten! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 1, ….ahhhhhhh! Let me try again..

Dance

          “Hit one!” our coach yells, and we all immediately, like soldiers, jump and land with our feet just farther than the width of our hips, and every set of arms makes a V. Every muscle in every body is clenched tight. We hold this motion until everyone gets it right and usually it takes about five minutes. Finally we can move on to two. We hold every last motion until our technique is perfect, and then start over and do it again. Maybe by tomorrow we will be able to add the music.

Danger

          Cheerleading is considered the most dangerous sport. More injuries occur per year in cheer than in any other sport, including gymnastics which is a close second.

 

Example

          There is always a little girl in every crowd who wants to be just like you. Don’t disappoint her. I read it over and over again every morning before I leave. My favorite quote, written on my mirror in pink marker, it reminds me that I am constantly setting an example for someone, somewhere. That little girl is watching me. Always looking up to me, and she will copy every little thing I do. I want to be that girl that people are glad their daughters look up to.

Experience

          If you don’t know what you’re doing, someone else will get hurt.

Facials

          If you feel like a complete idiot, you’re doing it right.

Family

          We win together, we lose together, we practice together, we perform together, we hurt together, we always pick each other up, and we never let each other fall. A squad is a family.

Free time

          ..What free time?

Fun

          The day before nationals, and we all have the same thing on our minds. We go to the beach and spend the whole day in the water, and on the sand, and we are all so full of energy and anxious for tomorrow that nothing could bring us down.

Girls

          Chisters. That’s what we call eachother. We are cheer sisters, and we are always there for eachother.

Injuries

          The doctor’s office has become a familiar place. I sit in the waiting room again, but in my opinion it is pointless because no matter what they say I’m not going to take a break. I can’t afford to stop practicing right before competition season, and there is no way anyone can make me.

Leader

          To be a cheerleader, not only do I have to be a leader of cheers, but also in life. Being a cheerleader on and off the mat means being the best you can be, and being an example for others, in your actions, and in your words.

Lunch

I wonder what it is today.. I hope it’s something at least semi-edible because I am starving. A lot of people think I’m anorexic just because I cheer, and I’m skinny, but in all honesty I eat more than a pregnant cow..

 

Motions

          After the bell rings for lunch there is always a different song that plays while I walk to class. Today, it’s Clumsy by Fergie. By the time the chorus comes, I’m already walking with my hands in a clean. 1, arms hit just outside my shoulders, marking a High-V. 2, hold. 3, arms swing down and barely cross in front of my body. By 4, my arms are back to where they were on one but my wrists are turned down to mark my T. Clean 4 counts. 1, horizontal right punch 2.. I keep going, and walking down the halls I probably look like an idiot to all those around me, but my random arm swings make perfect sense in my head. This is my song and my routine has been nailed into my head so many times I can’t help it.

Music

          Weird. I never noticed how slow this song was. I guess after listening to the cheer remix version for so long I had forgotten what the real song sounded like. Funny how that happens.

Nails

          I get to class and pull out a notebook. I look around for Max, a guy on the squad and pretty much the only person I ever talk to in this class. I see him by the door standing behind two girls I can’t help but notice are staring at me. One girl turns to the other and says in a mocking tone, “I can’t write today, I broke a nail in cheer!” the other pretends to cry, and I just look away. Ha break a nail. We’re not even allowed to have nails.

Nationals

          Five words. Adrenaline, stress, exhausting, pain, LOVE.

 

 

One more time

          In other words.. We’re gonna keep doing this until you get  it right and I don’t care how long it takes.

Pop

          The sound that comes from every single one of our ankles, knees, wrists, and backs whenever we tumble, stunt, run.. Even walk for that matter.

Smile

          Running. To get to my next position so that as soon as I get there I can tumble. Roundoff back handspring back handspring back layout stepout.. As soon as I land I run again to my stunt group, and with our tired arms and legs we throw a cheerleader into the air. At this point, though it doesn’t seem like much, smiling is the hardest thing to do.

Tryouts

          The most stressful, emotional time of the whole year.

Unitiy

Something no squad is even a squad without.

Reversible poem

I've never done anything like this before but I wanted to try.(: you know those reversible poems that you read to the bottom then from the bottom to the top? Yeahh.. Here goes!(:

I give up.
I will not say
I will keep trying.
My life's not worth living.
They're wrong when they say
I should fight on.
I know
I should give up.
Some tell me
That my beauty is radiant.
But I know
That I am ugly.
Some think
I should throw it all away.
I will not listen when they say
Every second is precious.
I realize
It is not worth living
I refuse to believe
Every moment is beautiful.
Life is hard.

Unless you read it backwards..

Beginnings

Well I have a few beginning ideas for poems but I have had a hard time finishing these ones. Here is one.(:

I don't want to see the future,
I refuse to live in the past..
I don't want this moment now
Based on all that didn't last....

And another..(:

I long for just a whisper
A silent brush of wind
Let me hear your quiet warning
My patient waiting end....

Any suggestions?(:

Remember

Remember when,
My old best friend?
The times we had,
Remember them?
Light and pllayful,
And young and sweet,
The fruit of the tree,
We would always eat?
How quickly innocence,
Can disappear.
With just one peck.
One whisper in your ear.
Distance is a lucky thing,
It's closer to you,
Than I can now be.
I've come to realize,
That it isn't you,
The one that I love,
Is the one that I knew.
-Written by me.

The smell of mint is one of the strongest memories I have. I know, it's weird, but I remember being really little, and going to my grandma's house at about four in the morning because my mom had to work, and my dad wasn't there. I remember I would always go inside and sleep for about an hour, and when I would wake up my grandma would be outside working in her garden. Her garden has always been the most beautiful, peaceful place. I would look out the window to make sure she was there, and I would open the door, and run across the wet grass, and give her a huge hug and then I would walk through her garden smelling everything. Every flower, and every herb. The smell of mint was always my favorite, probably because whenever it was the right season, I would help her make mint jelly, and grape juice with mint and grapes from her garden. It is one of the best memories I have.

Another poem

The words are unspoken
She stares
Her eyes wide open
What once killed her
Tore her apart
Becomes the source of her strength.
Her being
For this moment
She lives for it
She feeds off his tears.
She becomes a nightmare.
His worst fear.
The fight.
The revenge
so sweet and so fair
So enjoyable for a moment..
Until again
Her eyes close
And he is fighting for air.
-Written by me.

I don't really have anything to say, or any explanation, but I wouldn't mind feedback(: enjoy

Woah.

Randy walked in the next morning, calm and happy, sleep still barely visible in his eyes. Good, he really was asleep last night. After I returned to the bedroom I couldn't sleep, worried that maybe he had been pretending, and that when he woke up this morning Randy would.. Well, I don't really know what he would do to punish me.. No one had ever misbehaved, and no one ever needed to be punished, so I don't know what happens when someone is bad. I didn't want to be the first to find out. He walked over to the bell, and rang it twice. Time to train. I pretended to be sleepy still, as I stood up and walked to Randy to collect my morning meal. Eggs as always. I reached out to grab them, making sure my hand wrapped around to the other side of the bowl so I could make it look like an accident when my hand brushed his. The second I touched his skin I was overwhelmed with a feeling of longing. Of loneliness, and of sadness. I had never felt anything like it. Often times when I read Randy's emotions they didn't match that always present smile he wore on his face. Still, this was a stronger feeling than ever before and it surprised me how well it was hidden. I always make it a priority to read at least on person every day. It gives me something to wonder about. The others probably think I'm strange for always brushing past them when walking, or touching their finger tips whenever I get the chance. I don't think any of them can read people like I can. Maybe I would find out differently if I told someone about my ability, but I'm not going to take the risk. I don't trust them.

Lydia A Tarryn

LA Ryn. That's what they call me here. My real name is Lydia A Tarryn, but there is not a single person I can think of who actually uses that name. Except maybe my parents, but I wouldn't remember anyway. They were both killed 17 years ago on the day I was born. You shouldn't feel sorry for me. If you never have a chance to meet your parents, you don't really have anything to miss, and besides that I don't want your sympathy. That's not the purpose for this letter. I'm writing to you now because I want proof. Proof that tomorrow does exist, and proof that I'm not completely insane for believing in a place where things are different.
He calls us his family. Randy that is. I guess you could say he has been my father. He's been the only father any of us have ever known. He is the only person I like. I hardly think of any of the others as siblings, though we could be. We all look the same. Our black hair, our brown eyes. All of us share the same room for sleeping, and the same huge training room. We also have a room called the testing room, though I'm not quite sure why it's called that. That is the extent of my world. Ive always wondered if there was more. Those three rooms are the only places I've ever been, and as far as I know there is no way to get to anywhere else. There are no windows, and no doors, and the only reason I know what windows and doors are, is because of the video. The one I wasn't supposed to see. The one I watched when I snuck into Randy's forbidden office last night to find him asleep on something that looked like a giant version of the one pillow each of us is allowed to have. There was a moving picture on the wall in front of him. It was unlike anything I've ever seen. In the picture there were two little boys and one little girl running on something green. I looked almost like hair and it was moving under their feet. I don't know what it was, but I know I wanted it. They were in a light blue room, and there was a very bright light. But the moving picture wasn't all. There was noise too. The little boy smiled and said, "We miss you daddy!" And then it turned off, and there was only a blackness with white letters spelling out the word video.
Until last night I had only dreamed of the possibility of something such as the world I now believe to exist somewhere. I can't talk to the others. I don't trust them. Whoever you are, if you're out there, please try to show me some sign that you exist. Some sign that I am right and this is not just a false hope.
-Lydia

Jealousy

I was listening to this song about jealousy just the other day and it is so true. jealousy is usually associated with girls, because they always want to be someone they aren't, or have something that they don't, and whatever it is that you want usually looks so amazing and so perfect, when in reality, there are just different issues with other people's situations.

"Jealousy" by Natalie Merchant

Ooo, jealousy

Is she fine
So well bred
The perfect girl
A social deb

Is she the sort
You've always thought
Could make you
What you're not?

Ooo, jealousy

Is she bright so well read are there novels by her bed

Is she the sort
You've always said
Could satisfy
Your head?

Ooo, my jealousy

Does she talk
The way I do
Is her voice reminding you
Of the promises
The little white lies too
Sometimes, tell me
While she's touching you
Just by mistake
Accidentally do you say my name?

Villanelle

I have never tried to write a villanelle poem so here is my first attempt.

She consumes your heart when it weakens with fright,
But her game is one so fun to play.
She feeds your mind with strength to fight.

She is the flame that burns a candle at night,
And the shadow at your feet by day.
She consumes your heart when it weakens with fright.

But take a deep breath and it will be alright,
She will only steal from you what she may.
She feeds your mind with strength to fight.

To steal your pain, she blocks your sight,
She will be your ears, and control what you say,
She consumes your heart when it weakens with fright.

She isn't a bird, nor free and in flight.
Rather a lion who has spotted her prey.
She feeds your mind with strength to fight.

When she finds you, she leaps with incredible might,
When at last you give in, suddenly everything's okay.
She consumes your heart, when it weakens with fright,
She feeds your mind with strength to fight.
-written by me

I'm not going to tell you who/what "she" is, but I would like to know what you think.(:

Dreams.
Have you ever had those dreams that keep repeating themselves? There is a dream that I keep on having, and I could never figure out what it means until I spent like an hour just thinking about it, and talking to my mom about it. In the dream, My step-dad comes home from work and usually he is all fun and happy, and says hi to us, but in my dream he just has a blank stare, and he doesn't blink, and he doesn't move except to walk in the door. In my dream I am about six years old, and I run up to him to say hi. I show him my school work, but he doesn't look, or even respond, he just stares. I act like nothing's different. Then I ask him if he wants to play with me, and again, he doesn't respond. I ask him again, and he looks at me for only a second, then looks straight again as he picks me up and carries me down the basement stairs. I wasn't scared, because I trusted him completely. When we get to the basement, it's really cold and I just say, "dad?" and he drops me on the basement floor, and I wake up when I hit the ground. The meaning is actually really obvious. I've always kind of had trouble with communicating with him. While I trust him completely, we have a lot of conflict, and I've always tried to communicate with him but it seems like he doesn't hear me, and the other way around too. I think this dream is kind of my subcoenscience longing for a better bond with him. Funny how dreams can seem so random, but really they have a lot of meaning if you take the time and think about the possible interperatations.

Embarrassment

There is only one time in my entire life that I can think of that has been super embarrassing for me. I was in Las Vegas one summer when I was about 8 years old.. And we were in the swimming pool so (obviously) I was swimming. I swam along the wall from one end of the pool to the other and one of the times I came up for air, I grabbed onto the wall around a guy who was just sitting on the edge.. I don't realize he was there until I wiped my eyes and opened them to see his face not 3 inches from mine. It was sooooo embarrassing and to this day my mom makes fun of me for it haha(:

Fear

Who's going to be there?
To catch me when I fall?
To guide me when I'm lost?
To answer when I call?
Who can I count on,
To help pull me through?
When the only person I counted on..
Was you?
-me

Fear of moving on. Fear of what the future holds. After a breakup it's extremely difficult to picture yourself with anyone else.. It's also difficult to want to be open enough to let someone else in. It's a scary time when all you feel you need is yourself and if you're not careful that fear can consume you.

Courage

Courage. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself in situations that are out of your comfort zone, but you know what takes just as much, if not more? Getting out of a situation, whether it's a relationship, or a place, or even just a habit. Sometimes we get so used to being there that we can't get out, or we don't want to. It takes a lot of courage to leave something in your past.

Something.
Something I want.
Something I feel I need.
Something bad for me.
It's real,
It's right,
It's hurting me.
Somewhere.
Somewhere comfortable,
Somewhere alone,
Somewhere dark.
Someone.
Someone I run to,
Someone I trust,
Someone who betrays me.
He's perfect,
He's mine,
He doesn't treat me right.
Something else.
Right around the corner,
If only I take a step
In the other direction.
To somewhere.
Somewhere better,
Somewhere brighter.
If only I can get rid of
Someone.
Someone right,
If only I can leave
Everything I've ever known,
Behind.
-Written by Me.

This is me.

I'm Lacey. I am a writer. Maybe not the best, maybe not even good, but I love it. Poetry is my passion. I love symbolism and I love mystery. I don't mean reading mysteries, though I do enjoy that too, I mean being a mystery. I love when people ask me what my poems mean, and I love the confusion when I tell them they have to decide for themselves. Many people have outlets, such as reading, running, even just talking, and while I love all of these things, this is my outlet. Love it, hate it, but this is me, and these are My Thoughts.